Knitting Trolls

I need meds...

Wednesday, May 31, 2006
So I’m on Day 2 of no Zyrtec D due to the fact that my allergy medicine is a “controlled substance” and apparently the nazis at Walgreens think I am a big meth head. I still have the Flonase but it’s just not cutting it… I am having the sniffling, the sneezing and weirdly enough, all over itching. I imagine this is what scabies feels like (thank God I only have to imagine). My head itches, my arms itch, legs, stomach, everything itches! Why? Is it perhaps withdrawal from the Zyrtec D? Perhaps Zyrtec D is a gateway drug to Meth? Perhaps I need to investigate this on the internets – you know, instead of doing real live work.

And real live work I do have but I’m tired of doing my real live work at the moment so I’m taking a blogger break. I feel sorry for my graphic designer as I am bombarding him with work – and I use such technical terms as “poopy” (for real, I did use that term to describe a heading). Perhaps after all this is said and done I can get him to design a new blog header? Of trolls? Knitting? Of course I’d actually have to figure out how to change the blog header but a girl can dream…

And any day now, I will actually post pictures of knitting. Real live knitting! Woo hoo! And perhaps someday you will get the internets at your new apartment so I don't feel as if I'm hogging the blog...

Your future meth addict blogging buddy,

Give me DSL or give me death

Saturday, May 27, 2006
Dear Michelle,

I admit it…I can’t live without the internet. I thought I could handle it, but I can’t. I think I have another addiction here. When we moved to the ghetto, to our temporary apartment, I thought, “why bring the computer, it could just get stolen, and I can just use the internet at work.” WRONG!! Turns out I have been relying heavily on this technology that has made me a useless tool at some pretty simple tasks. Like ordering a pizza. Without the internet (or a phone book) I just sat and stared at the wall instead of knowing whom to call- why, because I have no yahoo yellow pages to find me the closest one to my apartment. It has even gotten so sad, that I call people up with the internet and ask them to look it up for me. Luckily Michelle, I have spared you of this….but I came this close the other night when I needed directions to the nearest Joanne’s. Boy, do I miss the simpler days. And boy, am I counting the minutes till my stoner landlord hooks up the DSL……….

On another topic, like two weeks ago I was in NYC (would have posted sooner about it, but once again- no internet). Nothing crazy happened, as I had my camera in hand to take pictures. I did get this shot of a bus with dirty laundry on it. Even the busses are cooler in NY- ours only say JO or the MAX on them. What exactly is the JO? It’s not in Johnson county, so what of it?

I did get some fabulous fake designer handbags in Chinatown. It was wonderful. I just walked down the street, omitting my tourist with cash to burn vibe, and these men standing outside the shops muttered under there breath, “Louis Vuitton, Prada, Gucci?” and I couldn’t resist that kind of offer. So they spirited me to an underground layer where every room was wall-to-wall purses (and southern tourists). My Nirvana. I haggled with the best of them and got three wonderful bags. Now I only need a place to take them out to……

On the knitting front, the cute placemats that you sent me the pattern for are coming along nicely. I will take pics and update as they progress.

Melanie Troll

PS your purse rocks by the way!! My birthday is September 9th- and my favorite color is pink- just in case you forgot or didn’t know.

Epiphany in the Mailbox

Thursday, May 25, 2006
Dear Melanie:

So today I received an epiphany in my mailbox… You should know that I am a mail whore. I love mail – especially if it is glossy like magazines or catalogs. In today’s mail, I noticed this bright colorful catalog.

As you can see, there is a family of elephants on the front and at the bottom it states “Looking for peanuts in all the wrong places.” Melanie, this speaks to me. I feel this is a message for me about my life. What the hell this message is saying, I don’t know. But if you figure it out please let me know. I may have to meditate on this for awhile…

Anyhoo… Knitting. I have been a knitting fool. I finished Jill’s graduation purse. The pattern was Girly
from Magknits. I am very, very proud of it. It was a pain in the ass with all of the hand sewing but I am still very, very proud of it.

While shopping for yarn for the Girly purse, I came across this perfectly round ball of the cutest yarn and had to buy it. It came with a baby hat pattern and being as everyone I know is reproducing but me (the spinster nun), I decided to knit it up. I'll have to post a pic at a later date.

I find that I am fast becoming a yarn snob - before long I will no longer be able to stand the cheap craft store yarn. This could become an expensive hobby.

Looking for Peanuts in all the Wrong Places (apparently),

Dream a little dream...

Friday, May 19, 2006
Dear Melanie - you are traipsing all over New York, shopping for fake designer bags and I am stuck here at work. Sigh...

Your dream you had about Ernie is STILL cracking me up so I had to share it on the blog. For those of you who actually read this blog (all 2 of you), Melanie had a dream the other day in which Ernie was the star. Here is her retelling of said dream:

In the dream, I came to your house and picked you up to see a movie. You had a large Samoan baby with you that you took with us. I thought this was strange since you don't have children, and asked you, and you replied, "my friend Angela said it would be a good idea to have one." we went to the movies, which turned out to be Disneyland and the father of the baby walked in and was very cute but super large. He had big white teeth and the baby starting cooing and trying to talk to the Dad. Strange cause it was a baby and couldn't talk yet.....

Then you bailed and said Ernie would be pissed if the family wasn't back in time for his feeding. I tagged along and when we got to your apartment, it was a really pretty country bungalow with a huge garden. You were mad bc Ernie had apparently tore up your garden while we were at the movies bc we missed his feeding. is the weird part.....Ernie walked up to me and said, "the bitch always does stuff like this, so I keep her in her place."

It's funny because it could very well be true... (only the Ernie part, not necessarily the Samoan baby part).

Your blogging partner who is counting down the minutes until she can leave,


To felt or not to felt...

Monday, May 15, 2006
Dear Michelle,

I don't have access to cyberspace for a week, and now you like NICK LACHEY!!

Granted, I haven't heard his new song or read any articles about him, and I did think he was cute back in the pre Jessica Simpson 98 degrees phase, but now.....I don't know. I don't trust his choice in women, and sad to say I did watch newlyweds, and thought he was a tool. But I shant judge...I did like Justin Timerblake's music in his post Britney work. Kinda the same thing...

Oy Vey!! Not only did I almost die this weekend, and had to make not one but two trips to the ER because of my nasty spider bite.....but I also finished a knitting project!! Woo-hoo! From start to finish, I actually followed a pattern and did everything it said (even when I didn't understand it) . I had set out to make these cute little matching luggage tags out of your fav mag knit.1. While I was making them, they seemed a bit godzillaish, but then I had yet to felt them....
Felt the hell do I do this?? I did all the research I could, and it seemed cinchy. Um...not really so...

So here are the pics, pre felt and post felt...and let me just laughing please...I tried!!

Pre Felt

Post Felt

I am 1) excited that I followed the directions exactly and finished something in a matter of hours(sickness will help will that)
and 2) totally mystified as to what happened...


Your recovering blogging partner,


What's Left of Me...

Thursday, May 11, 2006
OK, I am seriously worried about myself. I’m ashamed (very, very ashamed) to say this but I really (really) like the new Nick Lachey song. I know! This is horrible! What is the matter with me?! And I read this really good article in Rolling Stone magazine last night and I found myself liking him. Eeek! I think I need to put some hair bands on the CD player – STAT! Perhaps some Ratt… Maybe some Dokken… Throw in a little Cinderella… Perhaps that will cure me!

You really need to get Internet access hooked up in your new apartment as I feel as if I’m talking to myself. Not that I don’t do that on a regular basis but at least at home I can pretend that I’m talking to Ernie.

Your confessional blogging partner,

Shake your booty...

Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Dear Melanie -

OK, the booties are done and they are huge... Perhaps if Big Bird had a child, they would fit him but a mere human child - um, no...

Soooo, I'm going to put them in the Goodwill bag. Perhaps some child with very large feet will find them. Sigh... Lesson learned: check gauge first! If you do the booties in the "Knitting the Easy Way" book, make sure you do the gauge check first!

After the booties, I needed some mindless knitting so I made another knit stitch scarf.

This is some novelty yarn that I got on clearance at JoAnn Fabric - I'm calling this my "Bring on the Lovin'" scarf. Why do I feel compelled to name all of my scarves? I do not know..

Sorry this post is lame but my head is still pounding from stupid sinuses. I have such a love/hate relationship with Spring - love the weather, hate the allergies. Hope you are feeling better than I am!

Your blogging partner,


Godzilla's Booties

Monday, May 01, 2006
Dear Melanie -
OK, as promised, I am posting pics of my latest knitting projects. First up, THE Baby Blanket. My first!

It's not perfect but hey, it's done... Here's the link
to the pattern I used. Very easy although time consuming and there are a few mistakes so I hope it doesn't fall apart in the wash.

Next project, baby hat - punk ass baby hat. You can find that pattern here.
I did modify it a bit by making it one color rather than striped. I know, it's a lot of baby stuff but I have a lot of friends having babies. That's what happens when you get old. Anyway, the hat may be a little big for a newborn as it fit Snoopy pretty good (I tried to get Ernie to model it but he kept wanting to eat the pom-poms).

Notice the HUGE ass bootie that Snoopy is also holding - this is my next project. Baby booties - I still need to insert a ribbon tie so I'm hoping that will make the bootie appear a bit smaller. Right now, I'm nicknaming them Godzilla's booties.

This is Godzilla, he likes the booties...

Your blogging partner,

Hey y’all-

Just kidding, I am no crazy aunt purl! Even though I did live in Mississippi one year of my life. I wish I had an accent, a cool British accent. Like the men and women on footballers wives. After hours of watching that show, I think I’ve narrowed it down to whose accent I would like to have best…Kyle’s proper queens English accent. Is this very boring to those who haven’t seen this trashier UK version of desperate housewives (but way better) yes- but it’s my (our) blog- so there!

Hey Michelle- speaking of your man Henry Rollins- did you know he’s yet another celebrity to be graced with his own show?
Has anybody seen this? He is a cute man, with lots of muscles and tattoos…drool…
Over the weekend I painted a picture of this gorgeous specimen of a man just for you…

Just kidding, I cannot take credit for this masterpiece...

So TV and Henry Rollins is not ALL I think about…I do like to knit. I finished my five coasters, and tried to “block” them- sort of. Ok, so they are a little funky, but cute, and we’ve yet to see if they are functional bc we don’t have a fully working apartment yet!!!!

But soon I will be nestled away in the south Hyde Park non-ghetto, coasters and all…..ah, can’t wait for summer!

Melanie aka knitting troll #2