Knitting Trolls

Moving...

2006-10-10T17:27:00.000-07:00

OK kids, I'm tired of blogger and I'm tired of being the only one who posts to a group blog soooo... I'm moving the blog! Check me out (Michelle) at http://knittingtroll.wordpress.com. Hope to see you all over there...

Hellooo Ladies...

2006-10-05T14:22:00.000-07:00

Introducing William Michael! He's only 6 days old and he's already trying to seduce the ladies. Next he'll be drinking beer. Yep, he's one of my relatives...

Ridiculously proud Aunt,
Michelle

Nuns having fun...

2006-10-04T14:26:00.000-07:00

Nuns are allowed to drink beer?! I am so joining...

OK, I've been lax with my posting as last weekend was nuts. My nephew William FINALLY decided to grace up with his appearance (and what a cute appearance it is!) and that troll Melanie decided to finally make an honest woman out of herself and get married...

I have actually done no knitting in at least a week - a week! And I probably won't get any done anytime soon as I have to clean house, call realtors, pay bills, watch TV programs I've taped and I have a date on Friday so I have to figure out what to wear and how to lose 10 lbs. before then. Sigh... I was letting myself go because hey, that's the bonus of being celibate but no.... I had to go and meet an interesting (and cute!) guy so there goes that plan. Now someone might actually see me naked again - eeek!

But I hope to knit again maybe this weekend. Maybe even with the yarn I posted last entry. Although not the pattern I had planned as I kept ending up with one extra stitch on each row, no matter what I did so I gave up...

Nuns just wanna have fun,
Michelle

Waiting for William...

2006-09-28T14:55:00.000-07:00

Pattern: September Mid Month Dish Cloth Knit Along

Needles: Size 7

Yarn: Peaches and Cream cotton

I love this dishcloth - it's so pretty that I almost don't want to use it. But use it I will... I like the mid-month patterns on this knit along much better than the ones at the beginning. I'm calling this my "Waiting for William" dishcloth as I knit it on Tuesday night while hanging out waiting for word on my sister-in-law having her baby. They tried to induce labor on Tuesday but little William was having none 0f it. He's going to be stubborn and hard headed just like his dad! Wednesday they tried again but nope, not going to happen. She went into labor this morning all by herself but he's still not wanting to come out so we're waiting still! William, if it's any incentive, you will have a nice hat and blanket knit by your cool Aunt Michelle (the best aunt EVER) when you come out...

This is the yarn for my next project - a scarf for my mother's b/day. It is Berocco's Smart Mohair and it's very soft and pretty so I'm looking forward to knitting with it...

Still waiting for Will.i.am,

Michelle

Take Me to Your Leader...

2006-09-24T18:48:00.000-07:00

Pattern: Alien Illusion Scarf from Stitch and Bitch

Needle size: Size 6 (down one size from the pattern since I am a loose knitter)

Yarn: Lion Brand Wool-Ease

Finally! I finished the Alien Illusion Scarf! I have been talking about making this thing for a year now and it took me 2 weeks to do the damn thing but here it is! And yes, you can see some mistakes just from this crappy picture (please forgive me for the crappy picture but the sun was going down so I was in a hurry). But I don't care, I like it and it's mine. This thing took so much longer than I had expected. I started it in Wichita while at the trade show and didn't have access to the internet to check for the pattern mistakes (I knew there was one) so I figured out the pattern mistake the hard way after knitting for 2 hours. Then I tried knitting it a few times when I was tired and that's where I made the mistakes. And I had the overwhelming urge to say "take me to your leader" during the knitting of the first two heads but after that I got over it. Although I may say it a few times the first time I wear it.

Obviously I have aliens on my mind as I changed the template. I needed something "fall-ish". This reminds me of Halloween so it will do for now. And of course every time I change the template I lose my links and knitting rings. I'll figure that out later as it's almost 9 p.m. and I have some serious time management issues going on lately. I can't seem to get anything done as I waste 2 hours on the internet checking out all my blogs and downloading MP3s and playing with the blog template. Sigh...

Take me to your leader,

Michelle

Psychedelic, man...

2006-09-17T17:39:00.000-07:00

This is my September dishcloth from the Monthly Dishcloth KAL - it's supposed to be a leaf but I used variagated yarn as I didn't have any solids so you can't see the leaf. It's just kind of psychedelic looking... Oh well, it'll still wash the dishes!

Look at all the goodies in this picture! I found a new thriftstore that benefits the City Union Mission (a local homeless shelter). It's filled to the brim with lots of crap and it's cheap! I got all of these things plus a pair of vintage fishnets (still in the package) for my neighbor who has a hosiery fetish all for $6.40! The creamer in the front right actually matches some dishes that my father gave me that used to belong to my grandmother. It was a quarter! Do you know how much I would have had to pay to buy that on eBay? I've priced them and it's a lot more than a quarter.

It was just all around a fabulous weekend... My neighbors threw a big BBQ party on Saturday. I wasn't going to go until 6 p.m. but went down around 2ish because the Blue Angels were flying in the neighborhood and I wanted to see them. They were here for an airshow and I love them - those loud jets, fast and daring flights - very testosteroney... So I went down early and didn't make it back upstairs until 11:30 when I collapsed into bed. I am proud of myself for not drinking until 5 p.m. but it was still too much. But that's the beauty of partying in the front yard - not far to crawl! I wasn't too bad off though as I ate a ton of food - it was all soooo good. Those girls can cook! I brought Corn, tomato and avocado salad which I use as a salsa with scoop chips. Soooo yummy... Anyway, the BBQ was a blast and quite an interesting crowd - lots of tattoos and thrift store clothing! All of the neighbors showed up (including some former neighbors) - even the stuffy couple that lives next to me! I ate, drank, admired tattoos, got into a deep religious discussion with my downstairs neighbor and a very cute, very smart former anthropology major (so cute! and so young!), got hit on by a big tattooed guy who's in a goth metal band, etc. until I had to leave. I even talked about knitting! Some of my neighbors want to learn so I'm thinking about having "knitting clinics" and teaching them what little I know. It will be fun!

All in all a fabulous weekend, I didn't achieve my knitting goals but it was worth it...

Tired but happy,

Michelle

Chopped Liver...

2006-09-12T19:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I survived Wichita... It was fun (except for a scary encounter with Mountain Oysters) but it's good to be back in Troll-ville. So after 3 days in Wichita I needed some culture and last weekend fulfilled that need.

Friday: spent evening with Melanie Troll and Jillie B. watching the Alvin Ailey dance troupe. Absolutely amazing... If you ever get a chance to view them, you must! They never fail to move me (but maybe I'm a sap).

Saturday: went with my neighbor Aimie to the Crossroads Music fest. It was a fantastic time - so many good bands! Even though I felt like chopped liver next to Aimie (aka Etta Vendetta, I've blogged about her burlesque show). Aimie is one of the absolute sweetest people I know and she made sure to introduce me to EVERYONE that came up and talked to her and I do believe that was everyone in the whole world. But they would glance right through me and mumble something along the lines of "nice to meet you" (including the women) and then get right back to Aimie.

My neighbor Aimie

Me (aka chopped liver)

But really, I didn't mind as we saw some great bands: the Gaslights (featuring another neighbor, Jon Stubblefield), the Wilders, the Roman Numerals, Doris Henson, It's Over (a band with a lead singer that looks so much like a girl that I doubted it seriously when Aimie assured me he had a penis - verdict is still out on that. I won't believe it until I see it.), and then the finale - the Architects. The Architects rocked my face off - they were so awesome. All of the bands were awesome but the Architects ROCKED! All of the twenty-somethings were standing at the front of the stage just doing their cool head bobs. Not me - I was a good 10 years older than most of the people there and I was dancing my ass off. And I didn't care. I was chopped liver, remember?

We then headed over to the Brick for the afterparty and saw SuperBlackMarket and Anvil Chorus. Anvil Chorus also rocked my face off - they have everything I could possibly want in a band - heavy guitars and drums, keyboards and a haunting female vocalist. And I met my neighbor - Bob! Bob has only lived above me for 2 months and I just now met him - just now! Of course he knew Aimie and she introduced me. Bob is a tattoo artist at Irezumi (where I got mine! He knows Stormy!) and he is in a band called This Alibi.

Whew! This post is getting lengthy - and no knitting! I'll post knitting later...

Rock and roll ain't noise pollution,

Michelle

Bridezilla....argggg

2006-09-05T19:02:00.000-07:00

Ohmigod! It’s a bird; it’s a plane…..it’s Melanie Troll Blogging!!
I took Michelle’s hint hint, and since it’s only been a couple of
years- I thought I would blog a bit for everyone’s enjoyment.
since I am super busy w bridezilla issues (awesome show by the
way- http://games.amctv.com/bridezillas2005/) , I must tell the
truth, I have neglected my knitting. I did start a scarf last
week and…..haven’t finished it, but I will soon. And I will
certainly not post it, bc it will look like a street persons scarf
compared to Michelle’s fare.
but I’ll move on…

I just saw this on CNN and thought it was funny. I always love
lists….. http://money.aol.com/bp_live/ Overland park is rated #6
in the country! That isn’t the funny part, but I love the line of
“Feels like it was designed by the folks who invented cubicles.”
I’m not trying to hate on my JoCo Trolls, I’m just sayin’.

In more uninteresting/ hard to ignore internet crap, did anyone see the
first pictures of Suri Cruise? http://www.imnotobsessed.com/
does anybody care?!?! It’s a freaking baby people.
But if you were wondering what her first poop looked like
enjoy this fabulous sculpture by artist Daniel Edwards
Now showing at the Capla Kesting gallery in Brooklyn.

PS Does anyone else think baby Suri looks a little like an alien? A little Elron Hubbardish maybe......

Peace out,

M2T

Wichita Here I Come...

2006-09-05T06:34:00.000-07:00

Latest Scarf: Tweed Scarf
Yarn: Some old Lionbrand WoolEase that I bought at a thrift store for 99 cents (woo hoo!)
Needles: Size 9

This scarf did not turn out anything like I thought it would. I used a different weight of yarn so maybe that was the problem. It's OK, but I'm not real thrilled with it...

So I'm going to Wichita for work for a couple of days and I should be packing right this very minute (or at the very least, drying my hair) but no, I am playing on the internets. Just call me the queen of procrastination... I'm hoping upon my return to find that one of the other two trolls has posted something of interest on the blog since I seem to be the only one blogging nowadays. I need to change the name of the blog to "Knitting Troll". Hint, hint girls...

Did not do much knitting this weekend - mostly cleaning and decluttering. And spending way too much time on the computer. Not only am I addicted to knitting/crafting blogs, but I'm also addicted to MP3 blogs - I have hundreds of MP3s on my computer and I've been trying to organize them a bit. It's taking forever. But anyway, I discovered this great new MP3 blog this weekend - What would Jesus Blog? I don't know why, but this blog really cracks me up. It seems Jesus is a fan of indie music (I knew it!).

And what about The Crocodile Hunter dying?! That's crazy...

And now to leave you with one of the cutest pictures I ever did see (courtesy of Cute Overload). Enjoy!

I really should be packing,

Michelle

Skirting the issue....

2006-08-31T09:35:00.000-07:00

Dear trolls:

Last night I was perusing the small farmer's market on 39th Street, buying me some 'maters, when what appeared before my eyes but a man wearing a skirt. He looked normal from the waist up - shaved head, black Harley t-shirt - but rather than pants, he was wearing an ankle length black skirt - kind of like this guy:

I told Melanie about it and she said that her fiance used to wear skirts in college! What?! If you saw clean cut Jason today, you would not believe it. Turns out from a quick search on the internet that there are plenty of heterosexual males that like to wear skirts. I honestly don't know what I'd do if I was dating a male who liked to wear skirts... Lord, I have enough problems with the dating pool without having something new to worry about!

Learning something new every day,
Michelle

Everything good must come to an end...

2006-08-29T15:13:00.000-07:00

Yarn: Lily Sugar 'n Cream - one solid and one variegated
Needle size: 7
Pattern: Mid-month dishclosh knitalong

I love this dishcloth and am very proud of myself as I learned how to knit with 2 yarns and carry the one not in use up the side! Woo hoo! I love learning new things...

My boring, do nothing, vacation is ending - tomorrow is back to work and I am sad. True, I didn't even begin to tackle my to do list but I did get a little knitting, a little cleaning, a few errands and some reading done. And I saw friends and family so all in all, it was good... Even though it made for very boring blog posts.

Dragging my ass back to work tomorrow,
Michelle

Vacation - all I ever wanted?

2006-08-25T08:25:00.000-07:00

Pattern: Cameo Faggot Stitch Scarf
Yarn Used: Lion Brand Wool-Ease Chunky

Pattern: Windy City Scarf from Stitch and Bitch

Yarn Used: Bernat Satin

OK, so I'm in the midst of a seven day vacation from work and what have I done? Spent hours shopping at the mall for a dress to wear to a wedding and then hours browsing thrift shops. That's about it. And what did I buy from those hours spent shopping? One pair of shoes from Payless. Sigh... I feel as if I have had the most unproductive 2 days possible.

But Troll Trish did come through and let me borrow a dress to wear to the wedding that is absolutely what I wanted. She hasn't even worn it yet (it still has tags on it!). I'm almost scared to wear it but she insisted I borrow it. What a friend... And in other good news, I got a call for an interview for Tuesday. Woo hoo! Wish me luck...

In knitting news, I have knit the above 2 scarves. The gray one I love - I was originally going to knit this one for charity but I love it so I'm keeping it. The second one is screwed up so badly I cannot even give it to charity so don't know what I'm doing with it. It's the Windy City Scarf from the Stitch 'n Bitch book and I think I had the wrong gauge and that's part of the problem. The hole is too low in the scarf and I followed directions exactly. But I didn't check my gauge because it's a scarf! I did screw up the hole a bit because I was watching TV and somehow got extra stitches. I love the colors but it just isn't right. Sigh...

I think part of why I'm not enjoying this vacation is that I'm PMSing in a big way. I was watching Grey's Anatomy last night while I was knitting - a show I don't normally watch. And God, it is the most depressing show ever! My God, people dying left and right! I just knit and cried and wondered why I get invited to so many damn weddings especially since I may never get married and how cruel is it for me to really want to get married and get invited to a million weddings but I can't meet anyone that I'd consider marrying. Yep, it was a knitting self-pity PMS night. The only thing missing was wine consumption (which I considered).

Working on enjoying what's left of my vacation,

Michelle

Remedial knitting....and dating...

2006-08-20T15:26:00.000-07:00

I've been engaging in some remedial knitting this August - scarves! I'm trying to use up some cheap yarn from the stash so behold these Lion Brand Homespun beauties that are going to charity.

The first and last one are based on scarves in the Stitch 'n Bitch book, the middle one is from this pattern. It was a bitch to knit with the Homespun but I still like it.

I've also been doing some dishcloths, like this Martini one. Cute, huh?

And I managed to teach myself how to increase by knitting into the front and back of a stitch. Behold, the practice kercheif - this is definitely going into the charity bin since I really don't think the milkmaid look is going to come back.

And yes, I have been on a couple of dates this week (yes, 2 in one week!). The first one was so damn boring I thought I might have to poke my eyeballs out with my fork. I found myself telling him about a segment I saw on America's Most Wanted just to have something to talk about. I don't know what's sadder - that I had so little in common with him or that I spend my Saturday nights knitting and watching America's Most Wanted.

The second date was much better - we had a lot to talk about and a lot in common but I wasn't attracted to him but in a friend way and apparently he wasn't attracted to me either as I never heard back from him.

Soooo... Lesson? I'm not missing a damn thing by not dating. Really...

Checking out the nunneries,

Michelle

Screaming Cicadas...

2006-08-16T11:18:00.000-07:00

No, that’s not the name of my latest imaginary band – although I think it would be a cool band name. It would have to be an indie/alternative band, though, as Cicada is kind of a intellectual sounding word. It’s too frou frou for a rock band…

No, screaming cicadas are what I’ve been dealing with nightly. Ernie’s latest thing is to capture cicadas out on the balcony and then bring them into the apartment. Who knew I had such a cicada problem out on my balcony? Literally, this is a nightly occurrence. Usually, the cicadas have been maimed and therefore cannot fly so I have to pick them up with paper towels before throwing them outside again. And the cicadas do scream when Ernie catches them – it’s not their usual annoying buzzing sound but literally screaming. Sooooo disturbing…

Growing up in a small town in Kansas, we called them locusts rather than cicadas. I didn’t start calling them cicadas until I moved to KC and realized that’s what everyone else called them. Why did we call them locusts? Was it because we were born in the bible belt and we were used to stories of fire, brimstone and locusts being cast upon the land? According to Wikipedia, cicadas are commonly referred to as locusts although they are unrelated to true locusts (which look more like grasshoppers as you can see below.) I also remember chasing my brother around with the old skins you could find on trees. Aaah, good times…

So there you have it – your biology lesson for today! I have been doing some knitting which I’ll post later on, I promise…

Now if you’ll excuse me, I must go pick up chewed cicada heads off my bathroom rug….

Michelle

I'm a joiner...

2006-08-04T13:25:00.000-07:00

I love that pic that Bridgette just posted - what cracks me up about the whole thing is that the boys were the ones who dressed up for the concert with their wigs - not the girls! And I had totally forgotten how we used to scream that line of the song - I think I blocked that memory out on purpose.

My mental illnesses should come as no surprise to Bridgette since we were roommates for many years - it's just that now I'm getting older and I'm too tired to try to hide them anymore. My latest mental illness - I'm becoming an "official" knit blogger and joined a dishcloth knit along and a stashalong (to help rid myself of all that damn yarn).

The dishcloth group is really cool - they send out 2 patterns a month. The first pattern is a "mystery" as they only send you 10 lines of the pattern a day for the first 7 days. This month is my first month and the pattern calls for sskpo which I only guessed at how to do so I think I'm screwing it up and god forbid I actually try to educate myself and look up the directions. Directions are for pussies! Hey, it's a dishcloth - I'm going to do dishes with it. Enough said...

Yarn "clean" for 4 whole days,
Michelle

2006-08-04T11:06:00.000-07:00

Okay Trolls! I am back to blogging. In between my travels and hair band concerts I have even done some knitting. I guess I am going to have to post a picture of my "piss-poor " progress so I can be worthy of the blog! I do have a fun pic to post at the request of my troll Michelle. Who by the way has finally succumbed to the deep end of the pool! Cyber-stalking? I thought that was just fodder for a Lifetime movie? I have to admit I have Google-stalked ex's also. Remember Rodge the Podge? Unfortunately, I have dated very boring, unsuccessful yet law-abiding citizens. I always come up with zilch. Anyways, I think cyber-stalking is okay if it was by accident. She should stop having the same interests as you. Maybe that is really a compliment if you do have so much in common?

Okay, so here are my Poison/Cinderella concert pics. What a great time. Looking at them makes me want to tease my hair. The resemblence between the two pictures is incredible. It's just an older, fatter version of Poison. Where can I get that screen saver?? I remember a time when Michelle and I would play "Every Rose Has it's Thorn." Good times. Here was our favorite line: "...and now I hear you found somebody new, and that I never meant that much to you, to hear that tears me up inside and to see you CUTS ME LIKE A KNIFE!" Nuff said...

P.S. Do you think I could knit an off-the-shoulder, mesh tank top?

Nunsense...

2006-08-02T13:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Sinning Trolls:

My friend Heather, aka The Slutty Widow, gave me a nun calendar for Christmas because of my celibate existence. Sometimes I dream of running off to the nunnery - you wouldn't have to have a job, I'd get to wear my favorite colors (black and white) every day, I wouldn't have to worry about hair or makeup because Jesus loves me just the way I am, etc. Do you think they'd let me knit at the nunnery? Below is my calendar picture for August:

I absolutely love this picture only because I picture myself as that nun on the far right - the one with the smirk on her face and the totally radical cat eye sunglasses... That is so me...

Just call me Sister Mary Flanigan,
Michelle

Hmmm.... Wonder why my flowers are all squished?

2006-08-01T19:29:00.000-07:00

Sigh...

Owner of a spoiled rotten cat,
Michelle

Must. Have. Yarn.

2006-07-31T17:14:00.000-07:00

Dearest trolls and troll wanna-bes:

Tomorrow officially starts my "yarn diet" so what did I do all weekend? I bought yarn! Isn't that what you always do before you start a diet, gorge yourself one last time? It's not completely my fault as The Studio was having this fantastic 2 day sale in which everything (yes, I said everything) in the store was 25% off! Thankfully it was still July so I didn't have to bend any rules.

How much yarn do I exactly have in my stash? Here is the pic of my yarn hordeing:

Some people may not think that is that much but I've only been knitting for a few months people, months - not years. There must be at least 50 balls of yarn plus a yarn kit in there. At least, I don't even want to count it. Yep, my name is Michelle and I'm a yarnaholic. If I don't have sex soon, I' m afraid I'll have to rent a storage locker.

Since I'm already admitting my problems in this webpost - here's another that some of my friends already know about me. I'm a cyberstalker. I used to stalk my ex-boyfriend's MySpace page and find out when he was lying to me (which was often) but I gave that up for my own sanity. Then today, I was looking at a posting at one of the blogs I frequent and it had some links to some purse tutorials (sewing, not knitting). Being as I now have a sewing machine and would love to sew up some cute little purses, I clicked on a few. One of the postings was on Craftster and I was scrolling down, looking at the tutorial and at the end of the tutorial there were comments. Well the first comment had a very familiar looking tattoo on it and the name was Poppet which happens to be my ex-boyfriend's wife's (so weird calling her his wife) MySpace name. So of course, I click on it. And it is indeed her. And so I proceed to spend most of the day reading her blog. I am ashamed of that fact but hey, there it is.

At first I was upsetting myself by reading it as she just gushes about the ex and how happy they are. Then I got mad that his life is so damn great and I'm in Stuckville, population me. But then I had to tell myself to get over it - I'm only hurting myself by carrying this self pity around. My life is actually pretty damn good. Yeah, it could be better but it's not that bad. I never, ever wanted Justin. Our relationship only lasted as long as it did because my whole world was falling apart and he was the thing I had left to cling to. And it was a mistake to cling to him but I did and he was smart enough to get out. Yeah, he's a lying, cheating sack of shit but hey, I knew it for a long time and still put up with it. I should be happy that they are happy. She actually seems like a pretty cool person - a little on the messed up side maybe but hey, I'm no saint (see picture of yarn and cyber stalking confession above). I actually think if I met her in totally different circumstances that I could be her friend as we seem to have a lot in common and I can totally tell why Justin fell for her - she is definitely his type.

So there we have it - confession and absolution (kind of) all in one post. Now if you'll excuse me, I must go make love to my yarn...

Looking for a 12 step program,

Michelle

Eat... Pray... Knit...

2006-07-28T18:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Trolly-olly-o's:

I just read the most fabulous book - Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. This book is so good, it makes me want to go on a spiritual journey. I'm serious! But I don't have a job that I can take a year off and wander the world in search of God. Sigh... So I'll have to settle for knitting.

Speaking of knitting, my newest obsession is dishcloths. Yes, you heard me right - dishcloths. I'm really turning into a spinster, aren't I? Aren't knitted dishcloths things your grandma made for the church bazaar? I know, it's crazy but they are easy, cheap and fun and when you're done you have a nice fancy dishcloth! If I start knitting toilet paper or kleenex box covers, that's when you stop me, OK?

Here is my first dishcloth, you can't really see the pattern very well but trust me, this dishcloth rocks! The pattern is one from my Knitting the Easy Way book and the book doesn't lie - extremely easy. And believe me, I don't have the problem that Melanie has with not using something you've knitted - I've already done dishes with it. And it held up magnificently.

I'm also (sadly) still trying to knit myself a hat that I can actually wear this winter. Here is my latest pathetic attempt.

Sadly, this hat also has issues but I am getting closer to a hat that I can wear! This hat was knit from this pattern using size 10 needles and Lion Brand Wool Ease Chunky yarn. I loved the yarn but I knit the large size hat because I do have a large head with large hair and alas, it has a weird point at the top and just doesn't quite look right... I looked like a pointy headed long shoreman. And I don't like the seam on this - I really need to learn to knit in the round. That definitely is among my next knitting goals.

Speaking of knitting goals, I am vowing (you trolls are my witnesses) not to buy any yarn or knitting books for the whole month of August. I'm starting to get out of control so I'm cutting myself off for a month (unless there is some fantastic sale or something - hello! I'm not crazy!). So my goals for August are to knit only from the Stash (which is ridiculously large) and to learn how to knit in the round. It's good for a troll to have goals...

On the lookout for pointy headed long shoremen in need of a hat,

Michelle

2006-07-24T19:03:00.000-07:00

Trolls!!

Ah, what a bad blogger I am. Slacker!! It’s ok, you can go ahead and say it.
I go to the blog everyday to see what witty things my knitting trolls have
Posted for me to read, yet I am such a blogger slacker I do not post.
Forgive moi….

But look what I have here…my placemats!! Ok, so I picked the best out of three to showcase, but you don’t want to see the scraggly first one.
and I know, only three, what if I had three other people eating with me, what’s a troll to do? The answer is simple; I can NEVER eat on these. It would creep me out. Has anyone else had this happen to them? Where you knit something and don't want to use it? I know they are supposed to be for the table, and around food and all, but the thought just aint right. Yes, I said aint.

Now I am in full fledge copy mode and knitting Michelle’s stank scarf.
I love the bamboo yarn on bamboo needle feel. There’s something illicit about it.
I dunno..maybe its just me. But I could seriously sleep, bathe, and
generally wrap myself in a cocoon with this yarn. It rocks!!!

Now for my next project….who can I copy next…..

M2 Troll

PS I totally see the Jesus car everywhere! I figured it just randomly drove around
but it actually stopped at your apartment? Did you see whose it was?

Singin' in the Rain...

2006-07-21T17:06:00.000-07:00

Dearest Trolls -

I have never been so happy to see rain in my entire life. Even though I arrived at work soaking wet (and I had an umbrella!) due to the high winds and 2 block walk from the parking garage (thank God I didn't have a white shirt on), I am not complaining. The temperature is 30 degrees cooler than it was this time yesterday. Woo hoo!

The heat has been bringing out the crazies in full force. Every day I saw more and more crazy people on the streets - walking along smoking their cigarettes (the crazies always have cigarettes), talking to themselves and sometimes twitching. Speaking of crazies, look at what I saw when I pulled into my parking lot last night...

That's right - it's the Jesus car! If you are a resident of Midtown Kansas City or frequent the midtown area, you have bound to have sighted the Jesus car around. In case you can't tell from the pic (which I took from my back porch in case the Jesus car owner was a crazy), the car is covered in stuffed animals, plastic figurines, stickers and proclamations about Jesus (hence the name Jesus car). And if you think the exterior is bad, you should see the interior - it is absolutely crammed floor to ceiling with crap. The back seat and passenger seat are crammed with what appears to be books, clothing and other crap - I don't see how the guy (I'm assuming it's a guy) can see to drive. I even think there was a doll head (I really hope it was a doll head and not a real head) in the passenger seat - it creeped me out.

So anyhoo, back to all things knitting... This is my latest scarf for birthday girl, Trish.

It's another scarf made from the Plymouth Royal Bamboo yarn. This one was knit on size 9 bamboo needles and god (or Jesus), it was so much easier than those damn acrylic needles. I love these scarves.

Looking to hitch a ride with Jesus,

Michelle

Hot, Hot, Hot...

2006-07-13T15:34:00.000-07:00

Dear trolls:

It is a sweltering 150 degrees outside - OK, perhaps I exagerate but really, it's freaking hot. July in KC is hell, I tell you, hell. What did people do before air conditioning?!

So the other night on my foray out to the burlesque show, I asked my friend Heather if she had checked out the blog. She had not even though I sent her the link 2 months ago! This I do not understand since I love blogs - I guess it's the voyeur in me... Anyhoo, I somehow mentioned my imaginary high school band - Melted Ice Cream. Heather got very excited and wanted to be the tamborine player. We decided that her younger, pregnant sister could be the interpretive dancer but she needed to grow underarm hair. Heather suggested perhaps an underarm toupee.

Why does a band that exists only on paper get people so excited? If we decide to tour, do we do it by me writing about it? I can just see it now - Melted Icecream 2006 World Wide Tour. We do a show in Uzbekistan (I probably spelled it wrong but I really like that name) and Heather starts a riot by doing a strip tease with her burkha. Some men even denounce Allah after catching a glimpse of her creamy thighs... Our interpretive dancer starts a new dance craze in Japan after she gives birth onstage and the Japanese think it's a crazy American dance. OK, enough about my imaginary band...

Knitting! Well, I attempted another hat. This one made of yummy, yummy, yet quite pricey Noro Kureyon. I LOVED this yarn but at $8.50/skein it's a "special occasion" yarn. I used this pattern and knit on size 10 needles.

I adore this little hat but I still cannot wear it. This hat is much smaller than the last hat so it resembles a very colorful yarmulke and therefore makes me look like a Jewish Rastafarian. I don't know why I'm so attracted to these damn striped hats that make me look ridiculous but I am... Sigh...

Your knitting rastafarian troll,
Michelle

I think I'm going crazy...

2006-07-10T12:56:00.000-07:00

Hello to all fellow Trolls and Tangle Muffs!
How was your 4th? Mine was surprisingly good despite the usual hoo ha. Today brings gloom and doom to my Monday starting with the rain and traffic from hell! I-35 should be blown off the map. Oops, I should probably not say things like that or I might be targeted for terrorism (similar to the Holland Tunnel incident.) By the way, what a dumbass! Do your research. The tunnel is protected by bedrock. Anyways, so the traffic followed by a very annoying meeting followed by another annoying meeting and an announcement that a fellow coworker is leaving. This means mucho work for me thank you very much. I feel like I'm going crazy! Although, someone who is aware that they might be going crazy is technically not crazy.

I am very behind on my knitting but plan to catch up this week. Hopefully everyone will attend knitting this Thursday. I'm looking forward to "stitching and bitching." So, cool pics of the Burly-Q Girls. It's nice to see healthy girls taking their clothes off for a change. Wait...that didn't come out right but you know what I mean. I'm not sure I could see someone I knew strip. I was only disturbed by the reference to a 99 year old woman burlesque dancer. That's freaky. My mom just sent me pictures of her trip to Europe. Now that she's a sexy, single senior (66 years) she's jet-setting with her buddies. See pic below. Her friend is 76! They look good. Anyways, maybe I can knit her a bikini. Ha ha.

Allright Trolls, keep on keeping on.

Eyeful Tower...

2006-07-09T16:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Stanky Trolls -

Last night I got the pleasure (?) of watching my neighbor, Aimee, do her burlesque show entitled "Etta Vendetta's Eyeful Tower". And yes, I did get an eyeful... It's very odd to see your sweet neighbor, who always invites you over to eat, up on stage at the Record Bar dancing in her underwear and pasties. But she did a great job and I say bravo to her and the other Burly Q girls performing in her show. None of the girls had a perfect body (not one flat tummy in the place) but man, they could work it onstage and the men were mesmerized. It was very interesting. My favorite song of the night - "Pussy Stank but so does Marijuana". Amen...

Back to knitting, I finished another scarf. I'm going to call this my "Stank Scarf". OK, not really - I haven't figured out a name for it but I love it. I knit it with Royal Bamboo by Plymouth Yarns from a pattern I got free with purchase. This yarn is absolutely beautiful and it's 100% Bamboo! And it's soft! Who knew?! It was knit with size 8 needles rather than size 9 as the pattern called for only because I didn't have size 9 needles and I wanted to start it RIGHT NOW. Yes, I can be impatient...

Isn't it purdy? I think I'm going to name it the "Michelle's a Big Flirt" scarf as I discovered last night that I have totally lost the ability to flirt. When talking to a cute guy, I just acted like a moron. I can't even remember what we talked about but it was pathetic... So this scarf can be my affirmation. Can one of you trolls teach me how to be single again? You landed good men, help a troll out, will you?

And by the way, I taught myself to do Yarn Overs and Drop Stitches for this scarf. Yep, this troll has skillz... Damn blogger, I was going to do this very cute demonstration (at least I thought so) of how I wear my scarf in my hair as the ladies in my sister's knitting group did not get the concept. I was going to have a horrifying before picture and then a not so horrifying after picture but no... Blogger won't post the pics. Damn you blogger, damn you to hell. Now my artistic muse has been ruined...

Oh well...

Later days and better lays,

Michelle

The Year of Yes..

2006-07-07T17:50:00.000-07:00

Dearest trolls:

I just finished reading the book "The Year of Yes" by Maria Dahvaran Headley about how Maria one year decided to say yes to everyone that asked her out. It was a pretty good book and definitely amusing but she was 21 when she did this. Hell, I went out with everyone that asked me out when I was 21, too! Hell, I'd make out with you if you bought me drink... But now I'm 37 and I think my past year has been "The Year of Don't Bother Me, I'm Knitting." Sad? Kind of... But look at all the cool knitting I've gotten done! So what if I haven't had sex in 2 years?! I'm knitting!

OK, speaking of knitting, I have a new finished project - the evil purse. This is a gift for my friend JoAnn's birthday so I shouldn't call it evil but man, I hated this purse! It's another Girly purse from Magknits but this one was from Hell. I used the Berroco Glace yarn that the pattern called for and it was a bitch to work with - it kept splitting, the yarn got tangled up so much that I spent half the time working on getting knots out. Such. A. Pain. Ironically, the Crystal Palace yarn I used on the first purse was actually $2/skein cheaper and it was so much nicer to work with. Almost everything went wrong with this evil purse. The lining is kind of crooked (and too small), the handles barely fit - I am almost embarassed to give this as a gift but cosmetically, it looks fine. Only I know the evil that lurks beneath....

Satan's Handbag

Don't bother me, I'm just a knitting troll,

Michelle

Whiz, Bang, Boom...

2006-07-04T13:58:00.000-07:00

Fellow trolls -

Aaah, the 4th of July - when the 'hood sounds like we're going into World War III... Good times... How am I celebrating? Naps, shopping (I actually bought a sewing machine!), eating waffles with yummy blueberry amaretto syrup with my neighbors and my ex boyfriend's best friend (technically he is a neighbor, too, as he's currently living in the house behind me). Again, good times...

OK, I promised the other day that I would post a pic of my self striping yarn hat so here it is:

This hat was made out of Moda Dea Sassy Stripes yarn in Crayon and I based it on this pattern.

I love this yarn but I do not like the hat. It makes me look like a rastafarian and with my 'fro, that's not the look I'm going for... First of all, it's too "tall" and this yarn really calls for working on circular needles as you can see the seaming really bad in the back... I tried to get Ernie to model it but he refused - he's had it with hats. He did not want to be the "rasta kitty".

Have a great fourth of July!
Michelle

Happy 4th of July my Trolls!

2006-07-04T08:31:00.000-07:00

Hope everyone has safe and fun fourth of July festivities. I myself will be staying away from straying fireworks in the hood.
Knit on my trolls- and remember to stay away from the hot potato salad! Ewww.
Melanie Troll

Web Rings

2006-07-03T10:28:00.000-07:00

OK, I'm trying to figure out how to add the pics for some web rings so we can get more loyal readers! So here are the web rings I've added us to so far:

We are actually already officially part of this webring, I just can't figure out how to post the pic (but I'm trying!). And then this one I discovered today:

We really are bad ass knitters...

Your knitting troll who should really be working rather than playing around on the blog,

Michelle

My poor pup...and other things...

2006-06-28T19:53:00.000-07:00

Trolls!!

Oh how I have missed blogging with you. Yes it is only due to my laziness, but since I have been gone oh how our blog has flourished so. B-$ Troll is blogging and we have comments from other people outside the KC metro area. Wonderful!

Oh, my poor pup Gizmo. What has he gotten himself into now you ask? Well, not a fabulous knitted hat like Ernie our troll mascot. Just take a look for yourself....

This dog gets into more drama. He somehow got a foxtail stuck in his right paw and was hopping around all sad like...then he chewed an actual hole (will spare you the pic) through his paw to get to said foxtail. A week later he was having surgery and was fitted with this sad but stylish blue cone and a mini cast. It was pretty hilarious watching him try and drink water or eat with the cone...and he got stuck in his carrier....this guy is hours of entertainment. But you gotta love the Shih-Poo.

In knitting news....I am STILL making my placemats. They will rock when I FINISH them!

Since you other trolls have many spawning friends, somebody needs to make this pattern. This is perfect for you B-$ Troll, you wanted to make something for a baby and a poncho- so voila!

Melanie Troll

PS Melted ice cream rules and is making a comeback...mark my words.

Rock on...

2006-06-28T14:20:00.000-07:00

Melanie designed an album cover for my old imaginary band - Melted Ice Cream.

Does that rock or what?!

Rock on, knitting trolls, rock on...

Michelle (formerly lead singer/guitarist of the best imaginary band ever)

The 4 Skins

2006-06-28T08:40:00.001-07:00

This has to be my favorite band name ever! It's no melted ice cream but I found it very entertaining. My drunken friends Stan and Skin found this band in the scary but kooky basement of Blaney's. We saw them countless times. We even went to their final show. Good times.

Okay, calling all trolls! I need simple knitting patterns. I need the baby blanket one and maybe a hat...do babies wear many hats? I don't know. Dogs don't, that's all I know. My friend is knocked up (I love that phrase) and her child needs warm things since it's due date is in February. I would also like to make a shrug and maybe another poncho.

Okay, so that's my boring blog for this morning. Now, I guess I will go do some conflict resolution with battered women whose children keep peeing on the bathroom floor. Apparently this is not cool in a community living situation. Who knew? So, send those patterns.

Yours in Transitory Sobriety,
B-$ Troll

Our Nation's Birthday

2006-06-28T08:40:00.000-07:00

Sooooo...what are we fun loving trolls doing for our nation's birthday? Besides of course pondering the definition and legalistic issues of sodomy (which I am proud to say is no longer illegal in some of the 50 states!) I get sooo bored with the usual 4th antics. Does this sound familiar? Going to someone's lame picnic with people who think more than one wine cooler is a "wild time", while eating lukewarm, unimaginative potato salad and wondering if I'll have the runs since mayonnaise should not sit that long, while sweating my ass off in the sun and almost being burned to death by someone's child (insert husband also)and their fireworks. Or better yet, sitting in traffic for 2 hours to and fro to watch the "corporate woods display." No thank you! I think I may sound a little bitter. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the 3,000 children running around unsupervised and shooting you with waterguns (last year's party!)

Okay, so I'm done with my ranting. Back to knitting - CUTE patterns! I have downloaded and printed them. I also love the baby lash poncho but I can't see Trish outfitting a child in a poncho. She wouldn't be caught dead in one. Luckily, I found a pattern for a doggie poncho and will be getting started as soon as I finish mine.

Don't you just love the "realistic" doggie? Okay, that's all for now. Thanks for letting me vent. I will now go try to squeeze as much money as possible out of a group of rich housewives. Wish me luck!

B-$ Troll

Lazy days...

2006-06-25T14:57:00.000-07:00

Amazing how time flies when you're feeling lazy... I can't believe it's Sunday already! I spent most of the rainy Saturday yesterday reading King Dork by Frank Portman. It's a young adult novel that the critics were raving about but I just thought it was OK. I guess I'm getting old... The best thing about the book is that the young man narrating and his best friend are always creating new band names, designing band logos and naming their first album. It's hilarious. When I was in high school me and my best friend had a fake band named Melted Icecream. Unlike the book, we never went on to form a real band - this band existed on paper only. I was the lead guitarist and singer while Julie played bass. I think my first boyfriend - Jeff Richards - was the drummer (what is my thing with dating drummers?!). Once word got around about Melted Icecream, everyone wanted to be in the band. And I mean everyone! We had a keyboardist (this was the late '80's after all), a tamborine player, roadies, bus driver, etc. I wish I could find that paper that listed all of the band members. Aaah, nostalgia...

So, I have actually gotten some knitting done in these past 2 weeks since posting - below please find the latest baby blanket (I thought it was my last for awhile but another friend had to go and get knocked up) and another baby hat.

The blanket was based loosely (and I do mean loosely) off a pattern from Family Circle's Easy Knitting magazine. It was knit with Hobby Lobby Yarn Bee yarn (isn't this yarn so cute?) on size 10 needles. It was probably the easiest blanket that I did. The hat is another one from the Art Yarn Candy yarn knit on size 6 needles from a pattern off the label. I love these little hats...

This scarf is based loosely off the Stitch and Bitch book's Coney Island Fireworks scarf. I did use the Trendsetter eyelash yarn that it called for but I used a cheap black acrylic yarn that I had for the black yarn. The damn eyelash yarn kept getting tangled up so I had to throw some of it away so the scarf is not as long as I'd like. Also I knit it on size 10 needles as the size 15 called for in the book just did not look right. For just being a garter stitch scarf, this one was a real pain the ass!

OK, stupid blogger has now decided to stop posting pics so I can't post the pic yet of the hat made out of the self-striping yarn. Sigh... So anyhoo, that's what I've been up to. I know, my life is exciting...

Damned NSA...

2006-06-07T17:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Melanie -
So last night I actually got off my lazy butt and took pictures of my latest knitting projects and worked on updating the blog. I had a very cute (so I thought) posting that kept with the whole theme of 6/6/06 (you know - E (with a capital E)-vil, etc.)but when I went to post it the whole thing disappeared. Was it the anti-Christ rearing it's ugly head? Hmmm, perhaps... If by Anti-Christ you mean the NSA (National Security Administration for those of you not in the know). See, I had put some derogatory remarks about President Bush (I know, hard to believe) in my posting. Coinky dink? I think not...

But enough of my conspiracy theories... On to knitting! If you want to see pure E-vil, check out the look on Ernie's face in this pic!

Yeah, he's not happy to be my model. This pic was taken after about 10 tries of getting him to keep the hat on his head. He finally just gave in and was thoroughly disgusted by the whole procedure. I thought it was funny (perhaps I am E-vil).
Here's a pic of the baby hat without a dour faced kitty.

How cute is that leftover ball of yarn?! This hat was knit from a yarn called Candy and the pattern was printed on the label. It was knit flat on size 6 needles. You could totally knit this hat. So cute!

I also knit finished baby blanket number 2 (only 1 more to go unless somebody else gets knocked up!).

Here's the pattern for that blanket. It was knit on size 8 and size 11 circulars and the yarn was Bernat Baby Soft. See the heart pattern? See the mistakes I made in the heart pattern when I didn't count right? Sigh...

OK, I'd better get off of here before there is more tracking of my online activities.

Your "going on the down low" blogging partner,
Michelle

I need meds...

2006-05-31T11:37:00.000-07:00

So I’m on Day 2 of no Zyrtec D due to the fact that my allergy medicine is a “controlled substance” and apparently the nazis at Walgreens think I am a big meth head. I still have the Flonase but it’s just not cutting it… I am having the sniffling, the sneezing and weirdly enough, all over itching. I imagine this is what scabies feels like (thank God I only have to imagine). My head itches, my arms itch, legs, stomach, everything itches! Why? Is it perhaps withdrawal from the Zyrtec D? Perhaps Zyrtec D is a gateway drug to Meth? Perhaps I need to investigate this on the internets – you know, instead of doing real live work.

And real live work I do have but I’m tired of doing my real live work at the moment so I’m taking a blogger break. I feel sorry for my graphic designer as I am bombarding him with work – and I use such technical terms as “poopy” (for real, I did use that term to describe a heading). Perhaps after all this is said and done I can get him to design a new blog header? Of trolls? Knitting? Of course I’d actually have to figure out how to change the blog header but a girl can dream…

And any day now, I will actually post pictures of knitting. Real live knitting! Woo hoo! And perhaps someday you will get the internets at your new apartment so I don't feel as if I'm hogging the blog...

Your future meth addict blogging buddy,
Michelle

Give me DSL or give me death

2006-05-27T17:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Michelle,

I admit it…I can’t live without the internet. I thought I could handle it, but I can’t. I think I have another addiction here. When we moved to the ghetto, to our temporary apartment, I thought, “why bring the computer, it could just get stolen, and I can just use the internet at work.” WRONG!! Turns out I have been relying heavily on this technology that has made me a useless tool at some pretty simple tasks. Like ordering a pizza. Without the internet (or a phone book) I just sat and stared at the wall instead of knowing whom to call- why, because I have no yahoo yellow pages to find me the closest one to my apartment. It has even gotten so sad, that I call people up with the internet and ask them to look it up for me. Luckily Michelle, I have spared you of this….but I came this close the other night when I needed directions to the nearest Joanne’s. Boy, do I miss the simpler days. And boy, am I counting the minutes till my stoner landlord hooks up the DSL……….

On another topic, like two weeks ago I was in NYC (would have posted sooner about it, but once again- no internet). Nothing crazy happened, as I had my camera in hand to take pictures. I did get this shot of a bus with dirty laundry on it. Even the busses are cooler in NY- ours only say JO or the MAX on them. What exactly is the JO? It’s not in Johnson county, so what of it?

I did get some fabulous fake designer handbags in Chinatown. It was wonderful. I just walked down the street, omitting my tourist with cash to burn vibe, and these men standing outside the shops muttered under there breath, “Louis Vuitton, Prada, Gucci?” and I couldn’t resist that kind of offer. So they spirited me to an underground layer where every room was wall-to-wall purses (and southern tourists). My Nirvana. I haggled with the best of them and got three wonderful bags. Now I only need a place to take them out to……

On the knitting front, the cute placemats that you sent me the pattern for are coming along nicely. I will take pics and update as they progress.

Melanie Troll

PS your purse rocks by the way!! My birthday is September 9th- and my favorite color is pink- just in case you forgot or didn’t know.

Epiphany in the Mailbox

2006-05-25T11:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Melanie:

So today I received an epiphany in my mailbox… You should know that I am a mail whore. I love mail – especially if it is glossy like magazines or catalogs. In today’s mail, I noticed this bright colorful catalog.

As you can see, there is a family of elephants on the front and at the bottom it states “Looking for peanuts in all the wrong places.” Melanie, this speaks to me. I feel this is a message for me about my life. What the hell this message is saying, I don’t know. But if you figure it out please let me know. I may have to meditate on this for awhile…

Anyhoo… Knitting. I have been a knitting fool. I finished Jill’s graduation purse. The pattern was Girly
from Magknits. I am very, very proud of it. It was a pain in the ass with all of the hand sewing but I am still very, very proud of it.

While shopping for yarn for the Girly purse, I came across this perfectly round ball of the cutest yarn and had to buy it. It came with a baby hat pattern and being as everyone I know is reproducing but me (the spinster nun), I decided to knit it up. I'll have to post a pic at a later date.

I find that I am fast becoming a yarn snob - before long I will no longer be able to stand the cheap craft store yarn. This could become an expensive hobby.

Looking for Peanuts in all the Wrong Places (apparently),
Michelle

Dream a little dream...

2006-05-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Melanie - you are traipsing all over New York, shopping for fake designer bags and I am stuck here at work. Sigh...

Your dream you had about Ernie is STILL cracking me up so I had to share it on the blog. For those of you who actually read this blog (all 2 of you), Melanie had a dream the other day in which Ernie was the star. Here is her retelling of said dream:

In the dream, I came to your house and picked you up to see a movie. You had a large Samoan baby with you that you took with us. I thought this was strange since you don't have children, and asked you, and you replied, "my friend Angela said it would be a good idea to have one." Ok.....so we went to the movies, which turned out to be Disneyland and the father of the baby walked in and was very cute but super large. He had big white teeth and the baby starting cooing and trying to talk to the Dad. Strange cause it was a baby and couldn't talk yet.....

Then you bailed and said Ernie would be pissed if the family wasn't back in time for his feeding. I tagged along and when we got to your apartment, it was a really pretty country bungalow with a huge garden. You were mad bc Ernie had apparently tore up your garden while we were at the movies bc we missed his feeding. Then.....here is the weird part.....Ernie walked up to me and said, "the bitch always does stuff like this, so I keep her in her place."

It's funny because it could very well be true... (only the Ernie part, not necessarily the Samoan baby part).

Your blogging partner who is counting down the minutes until she can leave,

Michelle

To felt or not to felt...

2006-05-15T14:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Michelle,

I don't have access to cyberspace for a week, and now you like NICK LACHEY!!

Granted, I haven't heard his new song or read any articles about him, and I did think he was cute back in the pre Jessica Simpson 98 degrees phase, but now.....I don't know. I don't trust his choice in women, and sad to say I did watch newlyweds, and thought he was a tool. But I shant judge...I did like Justin Timerblake's music in his post Britney work. Kinda the same thing...

Oy Vey!! Not only did I almost die this weekend, and had to make not one but two trips to the ER because of my nasty spider bite.....but I also finished a knitting project!! Woo-hoo! From start to finish, I actually followed a pattern and did everything it said (even when I didn't understand it) . I had set out to make these cute little matching luggage tags out of your fav mag knit.1. While I was making them, they seemed a bit godzillaish, but then I had yet to felt them....
Felt them...how the hell do I do this?? I did all the research I could, and it seemed cinchy. Um...not really so...

So here are the pics, pre felt and post felt...and let me just say....no laughing please...I tried!!

Pre Felt

Post Felt

I am 1) excited that I followed the directions exactly and finished something in a matter of hours(sickness will help will that)
and 2) totally mystified as to what happened...

Comments....

Your recovering blogging partner,

Melanie

What's Left of Me...

2006-05-11T13:21:00.000-07:00

OK, I am seriously worried about myself. I’m ashamed (very, very ashamed) to say this but I really (really) like the new Nick Lachey song. I know! This is horrible! What is the matter with me?! And I read this really good article in Rolling Stone magazine last night and I found myself liking him. Eeek! I think I need to put some hair bands on the CD player – STAT! Perhaps some Ratt… Maybe some Dokken… Throw in a little Cinderella… Perhaps that will cure me!

You really need to get Internet access hooked up in your new apartment as I feel as if I’m talking to myself. Not that I don’t do that on a regular basis but at least at home I can pretend that I’m talking to Ernie.

Your confessional blogging partner,
Michelle

Shake your booty...

2006-05-10T05:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Melanie -

OK, the booties are done and they are huge... Perhaps if Big Bird had a child, they would fit him but a mere human child - um, no...

Soooo, I'm going to put them in the Goodwill bag. Perhaps some child with very large feet will find them. Sigh... Lesson learned: check gauge first! If you do the booties in the "Knitting the Easy Way" book, make sure you do the gauge check first!

After the booties, I needed some mindless knitting so I made another knit stitch scarf.

This is some novelty yarn that I got on clearance at JoAnn Fabric - I'm calling this my "Bring on the Lovin'" scarf. Why do I feel compelled to name all of my scarves? I do not know..

Sorry this post is lame but my head is still pounding from stupid sinuses. I have such a love/hate relationship with Spring - love the weather, hate the allergies. Hope you are feeling better than I am!

Your blogging partner,

Michelle

Godzilla's Booties

2006-05-01T17:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Melanie -
OK, as promised, I am posting pics of my latest knitting projects. First up, THE Baby Blanket. My first!

It's not perfect but hey, it's done... Here's the link
to the pattern I used. Very easy although time consuming and there are a few mistakes so I hope it doesn't fall apart in the wash.

Next project, baby hat - punk ass baby hat. You can find that pattern here.
I did modify it a bit by making it one color rather than striped. I know, it's a lot of baby stuff but I have a lot of friends having babies. That's what happens when you get old. Anyway, the hat may be a little big for a newborn as it fit Snoopy pretty good (I tried to get Ernie to model it but he kept wanting to eat the pom-poms).

Notice the HUGE ass bootie that Snoopy is also holding - this is my next project. Baby booties - I still need to insert a ribbon tie so I'm hoping that will make the bootie appear a bit smaller. Right now, I'm nicknaming them Godzilla's booties.

This is Godzilla, he likes the booties...

Your blogging partner,
Michelle

2006-05-01T13:26:00.000-07:00

Hey y’all-

Just kidding, I am no crazy aunt purl! Even though I did live in Mississippi one year of my life. I wish I had an accent, a cool British accent. Like the men and women on footballers wives. http://www.footballerswives.tv/. After hours of watching that show, I think I’ve narrowed it down to whose accent I would like to have best…Kyle’s proper queens English accent. Is this very boring to those who haven’t seen this trashier UK version of desperate housewives (but way better) yes- but it’s my (our) blog- so there!

Hey Michelle- speaking of your man Henry Rollins- did you know he’s yet another celebrity to be graced with his own show? http://henryrollins.ifc.com/?referer=%2Fhenry
Has anybody seen this? He is a cute man, with lots of muscles and tattoos…drool…
Over the weekend I painted a picture of this gorgeous specimen of a man just for you…

Just kidding, I cannot take credit for this masterpiece...

So TV and Henry Rollins is not ALL I think about…I do like to knit. I finished my five coasters, and tried to “block” them- sort of. Ok, so they are a little funky, but cute, and we’ve yet to see if they are functional bc we don’t have a fully working apartment yet!!!!

But soon I will be nestled away in the south Hyde Park non-ghetto, coasters and all…..ah, can’t wait for summer!

Melanie aka knitting troll #2

Get the Funk Out...

2006-04-25T14:06:00.000-07:00

OK, I am almost fully recovered from the dreaded Birthday Funk. The Birthday Funk is a fairly new thing for me – I only started having them after age 35. Last year the Funk lasted for a week (!). I thought I would escape it totally this year but Sunday night I was sitting on the couch listening to The Fray (thanks Jason!) and knitting and you know how your mind sometimes wanders when you’re knitting? Not a good thing to do when you’re listening to piano heavy pop songs about love and you’re alone on your birthday and you’re knitting a freaking BABY BLANKET and you haven’t even kissed a guy in over a year and you hate your job and well, you get the picture… It wasn’t pretty but I am glad to say that the Funk lasted a maximum of 24 hours which is good compared to last year’s funk which ended in me going to a pyschic, almost getting a spur of the moment tattoo and hitting on a very young (but hot) bartender.

But I digress… So, my four days off resulted in very little productivity but I did finish the aforementioned baby blanket! Hooray! And it looks pretty good (despite a few screw ups). (I’ll post pics and pattern later). As soon as I took it off the needles, I spread it out to examine it for flaws and Ernie immediately climbed up on it, thinking it was his because you know, it’s all about him (he so takes after me in that respect).

Did you know that this weekend was also Ernie’s birthday? I adopted him on a Labor Day weekend from the shelter and they estimated he was 4 or 5 months old which would put him born around April or May so I just decided that Ernie and I would have the same birthday to make things easy. I can’t remember how old he is, I always forget the year I adopted him, but he’s either 5 or 6. I think that makes him a teenager in cat years which would explain why he’s such a pain lately.

Lord, just shoot me, I just wrote in my blog about my cat’s birthday… No wonder I haven’t been kissed in over a year!! Sigh...

Your spinster blogger in the throws of a mid-life crisis,
Michelle

Happy Birthday Me'Chelle!!

2006-04-23T14:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Michelle,

Happy Birthday to my favorite knitting troll!!

-Melanie

Rock-n-Roll

2006-04-19T13:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Michelle-
Your birthday is going to rock! I know I keep saying this, but it will. If I wasn't as lazy as I am I would knit you this to prove it- and stitch it to your jacket when you weren't looking...

That Henry doll is pretty sweet. Your nephew will love it. I had a funny idea- you should actually knit the Henry and when you give away the baby blanket- roll Henry right up inside and poof- instant hipness! That would be so very....

ok maybe not.

I need to pick a new knitting project, as my winter scarf that has taken me since winter is now finished. Which shall it be...
A) sleep mask from knit.1
B) socks that Janet gave me the pattern for or
C) Another SCARF!! This time using much cooler stitches.

On a non knitting tip- why does the weather have to be so nice, and us so inside. I just want to get up and run out of here screaming along the way- but that's wouldn't be very....

Your nutty knitter,

Melanie

Maunday Monday

2006-04-17T11:24:00.000-07:00

Dear Melanie - It's Monday, my tummy hurts and I'm crabby. If I get one more e-mail from people telling me that they are NOT making it to my birthday party, I'm going to scream. Seriously, next year I'm taking a trip or something. But enough crabbiness...

So yesterday I got inspired to go to Barnes & Noble and buy some more knitting books (like I've read the one I have). I bought Stitch 'n Bitch Nation and then some cheapy B & N knitting book that looked like it had some cute patterns. Anyhoo, the SNB Nation book is awesome - so many cute patterns! I especially want to "Knit my Own Rock Star", although I may be challenged ability wise for that one. You can choose to knit Joey Ramone, Joan Jett or Henry Rollins. Guess which one I want to knit? Henry it is!

By the way, Henry is the one on the left, Joey Ramone is on the right. I think knitting Henry for my nephew Henry would be awesome... I love Henry Rollins - I think I'll name my next cat Henry Rollins...

Why can't I get paid to knit? I suppose I would have to improve my skills in order for that to happen...

Your crabby blogging partner,
Michelle

..This is so going in my blog....

2006-04-16T17:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Michelle:

I can't believe we have a blog! As you know, this is something I said I would never do, but never say never.

Happy Easter to All! From me and those creepy eyed huge bunnies that infect the plaza this time of year..

What is the story behind these things? I'm sure they are from some famous artist that will shame me once again with my lack of local art history.
Kinda of like the UMB incident of 2006....I swear they looked like amoebas!

Oh..I feel a white trash countdown coming on...and you can only guess why.....

http://www.MakeACountdown.com?id=183147

Your blogger in crime,

Melanie

Inaugral Posting (did I spell that right?)

2006-04-14T10:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Melanie:

It's official! We have a blog! Here's what my nephew, Henry, has to say about that:

OK, not really, as he has no idea (yet) that his cool aunt Michelle is doing a blog but hey, I'm sure he would approve.

Since I missed wishing you a happy Maundy Thursday yesterday (the infernal heat of Coffee Girls made me forget), here's wishing you a joyous Easter! And I've hunted down a peep for you, poor guy - didn't stand a chance!

Your blogging partner,

Michelle